Rediscovering Yourself: Healing from Trauma and Embracing a Softer Life

Healing doesn’t begin when the world finally understands you. It begins when you stop asking it to.

In a culture that rewards performance, productivity, and emotional armor, the idea of turning inward can feel almost rebellious. But that’s exactly where real healing starts. In a recent episode, I spoke candidly about the quiet, often uncomfortable work of rediscovering who you are after rejection, disappointment, trauma, and seasons that reshape you without permission.

This wasn’t a motivational speech. It was a reflection — one born out of lived experience, prayer, and the slow undoing of survival mode. If you’ve ever felt disconnected from yourself, unsure of who you became while trying to endure, this conversation is for you.

The Courage to Look Inward

For a long time, I did what many of us do when we’re hurting — I looked outward.
Outward for validation.
Outward for understanding.
Outward for someone to make it make sense.

And at some point, I realized something sobering: none of that was healing me.

There came a moment when I had to say, “I have to stop looking outside of myself for this.” Not because community doesn’t matter — it does — but because no one else can do your internal excavation for you. Healing requires honesty, stillness, and the willingness to sit with questions that don’t have quick answers.

One question, in particular, changed everything for me: Who was I before everybody else dumped on me?

• Before the projections.

• Before the rejection.

• Before the disappointments hardened me.

That question doesn’t shame the past — it clarifies the future. Because trauma has a way of convincing us that who we became while surviving is who we’ve always been. And that’s simply not true.

Reconnecting With Your Authentic Self

When life has been heavy for a long time, survival becomes second nature. You adapt. You harden. You learn to anticipate disappointment. And slowly, subtly, you lose touch with the parts of yourself that were once light, curious, expressive, and free.

So I started asking another question: What would little Stacey do?

Not the adult version managing responsibilities and emotional weight — but the younger version who laughed easily, created freely, and didn’t overthink her presence in a room. That inner child still exists. She’s just been quieted by experience.

Reconnecting with your authentic self isn’t about pretending the trauma didn’t happen. It’s about remembering that trauma is something that happened to you, not the sum total of who you are. Healing invites you to reclaim the joy, the quirks, the creativity, and the essence that existed before pain demanded center stage.

That process is tender. It requires patience. And it often brings grief — grief for the years spent in survival mode. But it also brings relief. Because you realize you were never broken. You were responding.

Stripping Away What Trauma Added

Trauma doesn’t just hurt us — it layers us. It adds fear where curiosity used to be. Guardedness where openness once lived.
Self-doubt where confidence used to stand tall.

Healing is not about becoming someone new. It’s about removing what never belonged to you in the first place.

As I began doing that work, I noticed something beautiful emerging underneath. I wasn’t discovering a stranger — I was uncovering the version of myself that would have naturally developed had certain wounds not interrupted the process.

• The confident one.

• The quirky one.

• The funny, spicy, thoughtful one.

Stripping away negativity doesn’t happen all at once. It happens choice by choice — choosing not to internalize every slight, choosing to respond instead of react, choosing to question old narratives that no longer serve you. Growth looks less like a dramatic transformation and more like a quiet return.

Spiritual Grounding as an Anchor

One of the most grounding realizations on this journey was understanding that I didn’t need outside interpretation to understand my purpose. I didn’t need endless opinions. I didn’t need constant confirmation.

The truth was already accessible.

Read the book.
Read the Bible.
It’s clear.

Spiritual grounding offers something the world can’t — stability that doesn’t shift with circumstances. When your identity is rooted in God rather than performance, approval, or outcomes, you stop outsourcing your worth. You gain discernment. You gain peace. And you gain the courage to walk away from what looks good but feels wrong.

Healing without spiritual grounding can still bring relief, but healing with it brings alignment. It places your life back into divine order, where growth isn’t rushed and clarity doesn’t require chaos.

Redefining the “Soft Life”

The phrase “soft life” has been misunderstood and, honestly, watered down. It’s often reduced to aesthetics, ease, or being financially carried by someone else. But that’s not softness — that’s dependency disguised as luxury.

A truly soft life is rooted in health.
Spiritual health.
Mental health.
Physical health.

Softness doesn’t mean avoiding responsibility. It means approaching life from a regulated nervous system instead of a defensive one. It means trusting God enough to do the work — the inner work, the character work, the accountability work.

• Living softly requires discipline.

• It requires boundaries.

• It requires honesty.

It’s choosing peace over performance. Wisdom over impulse. Alignment over appearances. And yes, it includes rest — but rest that’s earned through integrity, not avoidance.

Don’t Let Bitterness Take Root

One of the most important warnings I shared was this: do the work early.

Because bitterness doesn’t announce itself loudly. It settles quietly. It embeds itself into your tone, your assumptions, your reactions. And if left unchecked, it can become part of your character rather than a signal pointing toward healing.

You don’t want to wake up one day emotionally rigid, unable to grow, unable to trust, unable to feel joy — not because life failed you, but because pain was never processed.

Healing is proactive. It’s choosing growth before resentment takes over. It’s addressing wounds while they’re still tender, not waiting until they calcify.

A Life That Aligns

Rediscovering yourself after trauma isn’t a linear journey. There are days of clarity and days of confusion. Days of strength and days of rest. But each step inward brings you closer to alignment — with yourself and with God.

This work is worth it.

Because on the other side of healing is a life that feels spacious instead of constricting. Grounded instead of reactive. Soft, but strong in the ways that actually matter.

And that’s not just healing.
That’s freedom.